Working with the grumpy ones

Let me pause for a moment, to acknowledge the grumpy ones. In the past, the cold stares and lack of acknowledgment from others has led to a hardening inside for me, where I close up, and I mentally visualize responding in kind.

“What - how dare you ignore ME! I will ignore YOU back!”

How childish this is! When I have contact with metta and karuna, I see that a frozen response from someone has to do with their mind - not with mine or anything to do with me at all. Moreover, I can see clearly that I feel bad and suffer when I display that kind of frozen energy. So, those individuals who display that energy may be feeling that sort of suffering, or something akin to it. Why add to their suffering by making them feel unloved as well? And, why take on that unskillful mental state myself, and suffer myself?

So, when encountering the grumpy ones - remember to be wise and skillful. There is a balancing act here, where metta leads to courage, enormous courage. So much courage that you are perfectly content being seen as the lowest of the low or the highest of the high. The latter is easier, and the attitude in such cases is ‘more please’! The former - this is the adamantine material from which the characters of Bodhisattvas who practice Lojong are made.

The capacity to continue to hold on to that incredibly high state of mind is built into sentient beings. Isn’t this what Buddha nature is? Now, in practising metta, where does the quality of courage make her appearance? Well - here’s a theory.

If I have metta towards myself - my mind is likely to not shrink from the world. If I have metta towards others - my mind is likely to actually treat others in a balanced manner. I treat them with the same respect that I treat myself with. No more, no less. Such a balanced attitude is the ground for wisdom, and wisdom is the ground for courage. It’s possible that my analysis here is missing links in the chain - but that is A-OK. The broad idea sounds consistent to me.